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Home » Becoming a Caregiver

Becoming a Caregiver

January 14, 2011 By MichelleGraham

I have recently become a caregiver.  Well, let me rephrase that.  Since I have been a wife and mother for over 13 years, it seems like I am always taking care of somebody else.  But now that my husband has become disabled (at least temporarily), taking care of him has really, well… taken over my life.  I don’t want to complain because I love my family and would do anything for them, but being a caregiver is more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

First, let me say I am not a nurse.  I have told my husband this for many years.  I guess he didn’t believe me.  Unfortunately, bringing meals, dealing with body fluids, sanitizing the environment, and fluffing pillows just aren’t tasks that I enjoy.  At all. And it shows.  So I use the term caregiver very loosely.

But when my husband was at his worst this past month, I served three meals a day (plus snacks and drinks), cleaned and sanitized the house, supervised his walking so he didn’t fall, answered the door for him, picked up items lying on the floor so he wouldn’t trip over them, emptied urinals, reminded him to take his medications, responded to numerous phone calls, changed the bed sheets almost daily, talked to medical and insurance providers, ordered his prescriptions, attended his physical therapy sessions, filled out various forms and applications, loaded his equipment into the SUV and drove him to all-day appointments at the hospital.

I know my husband feels like he has lost a lot of his independence.  But it has recently struck me that I’ve lost some of my independence too.  I am no longer able to leave the house for hours on end without checking in with him.  I can’t always do what I want, or what I may have planned for a particular day.  Sometimes other people interrupt with their own priorities.  It’s a strange dichotomy: I need to try to plan ahead, yet remain available and flexible to meet his needs.

Of course, my responsibilities don’t end with his care.  I have to pick up the slack around the house too.  Not that he did a lot around the house before (ladies, you know what I’m talking about), but now I really do everything.  I pay the bills, shop for groceries, put gas in the car, make house repairs, shovel the snow, update the computers, drive our son to his sports and school activities, and much, much more.  It’s not easy.  Handling all of the household responsibilities myself, I have definitely acquired more sympathy for single parents.  “So much to do, so little time.”  It can feel overwhelming at times.

On top of all of this, I am trying to find a job to take care of my family financially.  I have actually been looking for regular employment for a while now.  In fact, I had interviewed for a couple jobs right before my husband was admitted to the hospital, but the potential employers “went with another candidate” when they found out that my husband was having a medical crisis.  Now that my husband is on family medical leave, I feel even more pressure to “bring home the bacon.”  (I think finding a job with a sick spouse will be a topic for another blog some day.)

So it’s probably no surprise that I really haven’t had much time for myself.  “Doing my hair” consists of tying my still-wet mop into a ponytail (when I actually get a shower).  “Getting dressed” means changing from my pajama pants to my track pants.  The one thing I am trying to do for myself is make it to the rec center a couple times a week to walk on the indoor track for a couple hours.  If I can’t find time to do anything else for myself, this is one of the best activities I have found to help reduce my stress.

Yep, I’m finding that being a caregiver is a huge responsibility and adjustment for me.  Fortunately, my husband has actually improved quite a bit over the past couple weeks since I began writing this blog.  And I’ve been blessed to receive occasional help from family members, friends, social workers, and medical staff.  So I’m not quite sure how my role is going to develop and change over the next few weeks or months.  Things could get better or worse.  But I know that God will be teaching me to persevere through difficult times, have more patience, and rely more upon him no matter what my circumstances.

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Jason Graham was the recipient of the 2010 IDA Inspiration Award – Read the Article and Watch the Video Here. Read the Graham Family’s Full Story Here.

UPDATE: We regret to inform you that Jason passed away on April 2, 2011. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Graham family. Read full story.

 

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Filed Under: Invisible No More, Personal Stories

About MichelleGraham

Michelle Graham is an IDA Publications Contributor. Her husband, Jason, has battled a pituitary tumor and kidney disease since the age of 29. Although he had a successful brain surgery, his first kidney transplant began to fail within a few weeks. During these years, Michelle found out she had an autoimmune disease and underwent several surgical procedures. Jason was planning a second transplant in 2010, but was diagnosed with a brain mass (PTLD -rare type of lymphoma caused by transplant drugs) and has been undergoing treatment. Jason and Michelle have a son named Kendall. Jason was the recipient of the 2010 IDA Inspiration Award. Jason’s father, Tom, played in the NFL in the 70’s and his brother, Daniel, currently plays for the Denver Broncos.

Comments

  1. Nedra Dugan says

    January 18, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    Dear Michelle,
    I am sooo glad that you put it all out there….those of us who’ve never been in circumstances like yours can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you and i can only pray that you will be strengthened each day. A verse that means so much to me is Psalm 68:l9–“Praise the Lord, praise God our savior! For each day he carrries us in his arms.” My prayer is that you will feel those arms holding you up. Love you, Nedra

  2. Sherri says

    January 27, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, Michelle! I think many of us who live with debilitating conditions sometimes think we are the only ones struggling. Caregivers can have a huge responsibility to be there for a loved one emotionally, physically and/or financially. It can be a very challenging and stressful journey. I hope that friends and family come around you all to give support.

  3. Bertha L Boone says

    April 7, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    As we mourn the death of Jason and share the pain of the family, I can’t help but remember the beautiful times shared with the Graham family while living in the Denver area. I had not seen Jason since 1987 when we visited with and stayed at their home. Jason’s smile will always be remembered, although we have not been in close contact with him, we always knew the situation and was praying for you all.

    Much Love,
    Bertha L. Boone

What is an invisible disability?

People often ask what the term invisible disability means. To define invisible disability in simple terms is a physical, mental or neurological condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities that is invisible to the onlooker. Unfortunately the very fact that these symptoms are invisible, can lead to misunderstandings, false perceptions and judgments. [Learn More Here]

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